hospital fun

Peter called his doctor's office for an
appointment.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at
least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife
lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "

 

==========

 

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my
eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.

 

========

 

Things You Don't Want to Hear During
Surgery:

 

Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some
party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
Damn! Page 47
of the manual is missing!
Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is
your manual?
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of
nature.
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Come back with
that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's
that?
Hand me that...uh... that uh.....thingy
If I can just remember how
they did this on ER last week.
Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this
stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big
money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I
lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing
my concentration off.
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well folks,
this will be an experiment for all of us.
Steril, shcmeril. The floor's
clean, right?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
What do you
mean, he's not insured?
This patient has already had some kids, am I
correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't
worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a
divorce"!
I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
Let's
hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
That laughing gas stuff is pretty
cool. Can I have some more of that?
Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one,
he's still moving.
Did the doctor know he would look like that
afterwards?
Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
FIRE!
FIRE! Everyone get out!